Saturday, May 7, 2011
What the fuck am I doing?
Oh my GOD that was such a long awful day yesterday. Okay - jeez - it wasn't THAT awful but it was exhausting and I didn't make that much money and it feels like I'm trying to fix a gash with a band aid. That's not totally true ....it feels - just crazy. I was really tired after the boutique and I went to a meeting and had a piece of pie in between jobs. I'm just tired but I like the boutique but I seriously - the comedy club is so gross. What's crazy is I feel like both are not really my element. I feel like I'm at the museum all the time. I also feel like I'm not myself when I'm at both places - whoever the fuck myself is. Well okay - it's okay - I did like being up early and there is lots of sunlight in my room that early in the morning. She was really late to the store and told me that she said noon not 10 - so that was upsetting because noon would have been soooo much better. She also decided to not take Fridays off so I won't be working on Fridays so thank God I didn't change my schedule a the comedy club. It's all so confusing and I forgot to get my service covered for the Friday 12:30 meeting....once again I just didn't show up. I was awoken by a baby staying here this morning and then a man walked in on me while I was in bed. He opened the door and I was half awake already thank God and so I said "Hello???" Now get this - he says "Ohhh - hellooo - hello - oh - sorry - hello - pardon me." Are you fucking kidding me? HE said hello like 14 times. I wasn't GREETING YOU fuckface - I was saying - "Oh so clearly you 'forgot' where YOUR room is and just happened upon this other room on a different floor of the house and I'm in bed SLEEPING and I would rather if you didn't come all the way into my room - not HELLO, hellooo." How annoying. I have no idea if I'm doing the right thing. I must be....I don't know this seems like so much hard work and for what? I know for what. I'm going to save money and I'm going to move. I'm paying off bills and I'm - I don't know. Now someone is playing some HORRENDOUS instrument. I only got about 6 hours of sleep and I needed more but at least I'm working tonight and maybe I can get a shift for tomorrow. Okay - fuck. 4 shows tonight - please dear God help me. I'm so fucking tired.