Wednesday, May 25, 2011

I'm worried I'm going to drink.

They say you pick up a drink long before you actually do and I am very worried that that is what is happening with me. Just writing that makes me feel better. I really am just - detached from my home group of people and I am too tired to go to meetings twice a day that take me an hour to get to. Okay so that being said I can go to meetings around here. I really can. I have been going to all sorts of new meetings because of my new job and now I just have to get phone numbers and talk. See - I don't want to do that. I don't want to do anything - I want to lay down. Last night I took really good care of myself and today when I woke up - both time - I tried to do this thing called "Upon Awakening" that they always talk about during the meditation meeting. Okay I found it - it's a prayer adapted from the big book. I just need to learn more about the program. I need to let myself read more. It is just changing how I am involved in the program and it is really about me getting sober and staying sober now and not about going to meetings because guys that I am "SO ATTRACTED TO" are there. Sort of sad but good. Now I am supposed to meet a friend for dinner but I really don't want to. I am so tired and I just want to meditate, read, write and maybe go for a swim. I have to figure out if that is the right thing to do. I will call Her Lady Wonder. I will go to a meeting around here. I have a double tomorrow, work Friday morning and a double on Saturday. I would have had a double Friday but I took the night off to go to a show. I don't want to spend money on dinner and I have really bad PMS. Okay this is a good question. I will figure this out. My life is so boring!! "Will she got o dinner or just stay home and read????" Jeez. Bye Blueb - time to walk the doggie.

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