Oh my fucking GOD I am so annoyed now.

Okay first of all I had the weirdest and worst drunk dream last night. It was my same recurring drunk dream where I go back and drink more and more and time continues and I'm still drinking and lying about it at meetings. Drinking and lying to myself and everyone - being all "This is no big deal - so I have a couple of drinks and say I'm sober - so WHAT?" Only this time in the dream I decide to fess up and start counting days again and being honest at meetings. So I start to count days and I go to my meeting and I say I'm counting days because I was drinking - for a LONG time and going to meetings. THEN the crowd gasps and 2 things happen. I start to tell them about how I woke up from a dream where I was drinking all the time and how I WAS drinking all the time. Then everyone ignores me - shuns me for drinking again. It was a horrible multi-layered, braided up dream. What the fuck? Okay then also Larni asked if someone else could film his video this week and - ugh I don't know - I'm so annoyed by him. Is it him really though? Am I upset that he doesn't think I'm funny or treat me like a queen when I want him to help me be better - do it for me. Make me famous for me. I think - ha - think - I know - it's the same thing I've done in the past. I wanted him to make me famous for me and I'm mad that he doesn't think I'm a genius when I'm not being one around him - nor am I really being myself. Ugh am I explaining this right? Things are changing and here's the thing - if I don't feel good around him or creatively fulfilled or whatever - that's my shit to deal with. He has problems and I do feel pulled off myself when I am with him but here's the other thing.....for years I felt like he was better than me and I think for a long time I have still been operating from that stand point. Things are just changing and I am annoyed but I also did think he would fuck me over and drop me at some point and here's the real thing. I don't want to work with him anymore anyway. If he wants me in front of the camera or - I don't know - time to take a step back. WHY AM I SO MAD? I feel used, dropped and like he doesn't think I'm funny. I hate that so much. I am suddenly so tired. It might be that 3 egg omlet I just ate in 5 minutes flat. Oh dear. It also just makes me mad that he's so angry and bitter and doesn't work and doesn't go into a program. Wowzers this rage is not good in me. Okay I'm going to call Her Lady Wonder.