More weird dreams but I watched Tangled and it

was really cute. That makes no sense. Haha - the good part about Tangled is that they make you realize that it's actually better to be a brunette. The other part of that movie is the - ugh - I will write more about it later - I'm sort of in a rush. I have to call the hair saloon and find out if I can afford the haircut - THEN I need to go greet at my meeting and get my hair cut and then go to another meeting. Tomorrow will be a day OFF. I am not going anywhere and I am just going to clean, reorganize things and pay bills. I will go to my meeting but that's it. My dreams were so yucky - about this fat woman who kept getting fatter and fatter and oozing out all over the place with her fat and it was gross and awful. I also dreamed about 2 of my sisters and one said the other one was filled with rage. Please - I'm filled with rage. Last night in therapy I really had a break through - sort of - I mean it was like a soft bending really. There's no real crazy break throughs in analysis - it takes too long for it to be that dramatic. But I saw what was at the center of all my blocks. What was/is at the center of me feeling unlikeable in totality. I know when I am funny and nice I am likable but when I am grumpy and angry - I think I am anything but. So how sad is that to think I could only be loved if I act one way? How EXHAUSTING is that? That is why people get sik - that right there. Jeez. So I untangled some stuff. It felt like a big part of the tangle. A BIG part. I also saw that I didn't quite have my shit as together as I thought all those years ago. Yes - I did a lot of comedy, acting class, dance class, voice class - any kind of class plus MORE - shows, writing classes, just writing, auditions, extra work, regular work - sex - holy fuck!! Now that I'm writing it down - jesus - I was so unorganized - for the most part - and unhappy. Desperate and tired. There was a rush about it but holy cow - wow - okay - jeez. Okay - I have to go - I love you Blubie!!! P.S. My dreams are still so crazy so I need to keep working hard on myself because I am only just beginning to get to the long ago forgotten trash. What? Jeez - so ridiculous!!!