Milestone.

Look - I have no idea really who is reading this blog - I only know one or two people who might consistently read this blog.....that being said I find it interesting that I am writing an anonymous blog while also having no idea who is reading it.  THAT being said - I HIT A MILESTONE TODAY.  Maybe this won't mean anything to you unknown reader but for me - total fucking milestone.  I just broke up with the guy AGAIN and I WAS REALLY NICE BUT CLEAR.  AND HONEST.  UM - WHAT?  When I was drinking the only ting I did was make a MESS out of relationships - ugh can't even think about it - it makes me sad.  Last night at work when I left - he had texted me and said "Hello."  Which I never saw until it was really late and I was EXHAUSTED from a horrendous night at that place and I could not write back.  Did I write about that already???  Oh I think I did.  Anyway - this morning he wrote to me and said "Are you just not talking to me anymore?"  I didn't write back all day, went to 2 meetings, worked with my sponsee, shared at both meetings, talked to some ladies about it and - well - loved my dog and took care of myself.  Then I got home tonight and replied to his text and said I wasn't ignoring him I just couldn't have 1/2 a boyfriend.  Then he said he missed me and he wanted to be friends and I said I needed time and that I couldn't just be friends.  I said I wanted a real boyfriend and that I couldn't be talking to him and have the room I needed for a real relationship.  HE asked if I was seeing someone - anyway this is stupid - the point is I made it clear we are done and asked for what I need - which is to be alone.  Also - he said he would not text me until I'm ready.  Great - so I have just graduated from 8th grade.  WHAT the serious fuck??  Anyway - I was nice - I was clear and now - I'm open.  I feel like I am going to explode.  I'm so tired.  I want a real boyfriend.  I also think I should really just give my notice a the comedy club.  I feel the same way I have felt about boyfriends and different places I used to perform - where I just NEVER wanted to go back again.  I'm just done - I never want to go there again.  FUCK - I wrote that and then got a little twinge of sadness thinking about the manager who I like so much.  I'm fat - bye.