I meditated and I feel.....

better.  I feel clearer and I thought about my mother and I cried.  I just want some support and I feel like I have no support.  I feel like people are always telling me what to do other than what I'm fucking doing.  I just wanted to call my mother and have her tell me to keep going and it made me cry.  Okay and I do know that I have support and I know that I have a baseline feeling of being not supported and I know what other people think doesn't matter anyway.  Omg - seriously - I just have wicked PMS.  I need to go for a walk in the park.  I'm going to open the windows and go for a walk in the park.  Take the dog out to walk in a circle.  I had a healthy yogurt.  Um - what?  Okay - I'm going to go for a walk and take a glorious shower and I will feel better.  I took Advil.  It's okay - it's just a rough day.  Hopefully I won't have to work tonight and tomorrow I am going for a fitting early for the movie I'm going to be an extra on.  So - good.  Right?  Um - yeah - good.  I'm going to be 42 soon and I don't know - can I please not be a waitress anymore when I am 42 and can it be because I have other work - better work - work where I don't wake up feeling like I got drugged in the middle of the night?  Great - thank you.  WHOAAAAA - this what sober looks like - hahahaha.  Ha - I HAVE BIG DREAMS!!!  I just don't want to be a waitress!!  How's that for imagination???  Omg - bye.