Saturday, May 11, 2013

This blog is like the Diary of Anne Frank only I'm locked up in a closet inside my head.

Sorry - I know she wasn't in a closet and it was horrifying and scary for her.  But it's horrifying and scary for me and I feel locked inside my head.  They cancelled my extra work.  Um - yeah.  I actually decided to do extra work - which most actors refuse to do , went and got fitted and then they cancelled me.  Um - what?  It happens.  Why am I so depressed - I am seriously losing steam here - I feel so toxic and unwell.  Is this apartment poisoned?  I feel so - okay - I'm sore, I'm just depressed.  I thought this could be the answer to me leaving the comedy club.  I got a check for the fitting for 29 dollars.  At this rate not only am I not going to be famous - I won't be a working actor and I certainly won't be happy.  I wanted to drink so badly tonight - this is so hard.  A break-up, rejected from EXTRA work - what the fuck even IS that - fucking cunt from class embarrassing me about not having children - LIKE THAT'S THE ONLY THING A WOMAN SHOULD BE DOING - fuck you.  Ugh and the comedy club - the thing is like falling down around us all - it's so pathetic.  I can say that can't I?  What am I doing?  This is so fucking ridiculous.  What would drinking do for me?  Crying - I can do that already - plenty of access to tears.  Throwing up - no thank you - I hate that so much.  Um - well - that's all I can think of.  Look - tomorrow is a new day.  I can start over tomorrow.  I don't have to drink right now - I'm home - I can start over tomorrow.  Yes - oh big sigh.  I'm not having any fun.  No - no I'm not.  Oh dear.  I need to stop writing and just go to sleep - that's all.  I made a little money tonight - I can pay my bills.  I can pay my rent and I can pay my bills.  I always wanted to be able to do that and I am.  What?  How fucking retarded does that sound?  It's not though - I wanted to be responsible and I am.  There you go - I am.  Okay - good night - gooood night. 

No comments:

Post a Comment