Friday, May 10, 2013

Eating my way throught this break up......

I'm trying to get myself ready for this vegan diet and the only thing that is happening is I'm eating good food and bad food.  I just had a mediocre acting class, I'm lonely - I stressed all day about getting called for this extra work tomorrow - what the fuck is that??  I mean - seriously?  They asked me to be available tomorrow and then I never heard from them.  Christ - thank God I didn't take off from work.  I am really learning how to stretch a dollar - I will tell you that much.  You know tonight in my class this other woman in class was basically telling me how to act after I got done working - you know while I was still onstage and my teacher was talking to me and directing me.  It really made me mad - furious in fact - I don't know - we all say things to each other afterwards but - well - she goes - because my character is pregnant with her second child - right?  So this lady says "You don't have children - right - right?  I said "No" and laughed nervously.....then she says "Well if you had kids - you would know how important that second baby is and how everything should be about that baby."  UM - wow - right now - I don't even know - I mean - of course - it's almost Mother's Day and I don't have kids and I'm 41 and I probably won't get to have children - so - so that is heart breaking - right so I just got triggered there - that I can see....but seriously?  How fucking dare she tell me how to act - I would NEVER nor should anyone DARE fucking do that while in a class.  What the fuck?  It was a total cunt move all around.  Also THANK YOU FOR TELLING ME BABIES ARE IMPORTANT - I DEFINITELY DIDN'T KNOW THAT.  Are you fucking kidding me???  I feel like I really need to say something to my teacher.  I pay for this class and I do not pay for someone else to be teaching me.  I mean - it didn't ruin the rest of the class for me because I didn't let it.  I'm trying so hard to detach from being so affected by other people.  But come on - isn't this a place where I should stick up for myself?  I don't know - also - maybe I am done with this class.  I mean - my teacher went along with what she said and I felt like 2 people were teaching me - and she was being condescending.  I'm not okay with that.  I'm going to think about it.  Sleep on it - see how I feel tomorrow.  That's the right thing to do - right?  I got my laundry done today....I skyped with my friend....I jog/walked in the park, went to a meeting, talked with my sponsee.......ate a burger and fries.....did my homework.....for class.....well - so - so it was an okay day.  I just ate a pint of ice cream, some air popped popcorn and some other non-gluten treat.  HA.  2 healthy snacks plus a pint of ice cream = I feel sick.  Well - I can clean tomorrow so that's good.  What am I going to do if they call at 6:00 in the morning?  I'm not going - I refuse - I am not doing that to myself  - I emailed the company twice so fuck that.  I am going to sleep.  Good night Blueberry - new day tomorrow.

No comments:

Post a Comment