Friday, May 3, 2013
Um - what am I doing?
Am I addicted to being miserable? Is that a thing? I used to have this friend - who had these crazy bags under her eyes and she was so skitzy and would just ask the same questions over and over and OVER again. In retrospect she looked like an addict but she wasn't a drunk or a drug addict. I woke up late today - I slept for 10 hours and I feel so hung over. I worked 14 hours in a row yesterday and the comedy club was SO crazy because they got a whole new computer system that NO ONE knew how to use. Haha - not even the guy who put it in. I mean he knew but he left and oh my God - seriously - it was kind off hilarious but SO stressful. This is from a place where when I started to work there we HAND wrote our checks. It's like they gave a boob job to a 104 year old woman. I mean the place is FALLING apart and they put in a new computer system - haha. It's so crazy that I am still there - what the fuck am I doing? I was just doing my morning reading & prayers and one of the ones I read was talking about being addicted to other things like people etc and being miserable. Holy shit! This job - I just can't anymore - only I will. I need to meditate and I am avoiding it by writing on here - is it because I know it will shift things? Perhaps. It's so uncomfortable. Well. Well oh boy. What am I supposed to do? I can't believe how awful I feel today. I can't quit but also - I'm not getting another job. I took some extra work - that's paid....what should I do? Am I going to be on my death bed and wish I didn't do this with my life? Okay - I'm going to meditate. That's right. Let's see what happens then. I love you Bluebie. Bye for now.