Tuesday, May 7, 2013

I fucking hate everybody.

I'm so fucking grumpy - I have my period, I feel gross, I'm working so hard and I feel like I am getting nowhere.  I'm sick of being poor, I'm sick of waiting on people and selling rich, miserable people clothes and I'm sexually fucking frustrated and I hate everyone.  Almost every single person who has come into this store today has been a complete fucking turd - including this douche face lady.  Do you know the craziest part??  I feel like I'M HOLDING BACK!!  I just don't know what to do.  I feel so negative - so hopeless - so confused - like all I have ever done is make mistakes - this has all been a big mistake - chasing these dreams?  What am I doing - I'M OLD for fuck's sake I should just wrap it the fuck up already.  AND DO WHAT?  I have no fucking idea.  I suppose this is the last place I should make any decision and you know what??  I'M DOING FUCKING GREAT.  I PAY MY BILLS.  I TAKE SHOWERS.  I LOVE MY DOG.  I ASK FOR THEM TO FIX FUCKED UP SHIT IN MY APARTMENT - NICELY.  I GO TO MEETINGS.  I DO SERVICE (SORT OF) - I COULD DO MORE.  Maybe that's what I should do - do more service.  I brought food today.  I packed up a little breakfast and lunch for myself.  I don't want it though - I want - what?  To feel better.  Eating the beautiful salad I brought will make me feel better.  I'm gearing up to do this 21 day vegan diet - buying different foods and weening myself off my current diet which is - completely not vegan and fairly - unhealthy.  So.  So okay - I feel better.  I'm going to eat my salad.  There we go.  Oh boy - oh fucking BOY.

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