Dog had a siezure.

I have no idea how to spell that and I am certainly not looking it up.  Could I be more dramatic typing that as a title?  Probably.  I woke up to her having a seizure at 8:00 this morning - I thought she was having a stroke but the vet said it was a seizure and I guess now that makes more sense.  She was laying on her side and jerking her legs and her tongue kept sticking out.  And she pooped.  Oh boy - the aftermath wasn't too good either - she walked around falling down for like 45 minutes - trying to walk inside the bookshelf and into corners - and she was whining and she wouldn't let me hold her.  She tried to bite me.  I guess if I had a seizure I wouldn't want someone clutching me to their chest that's crying hysterically.  I would have made the worst fucking nurse.  She's okay now - she laid in her bed, she finally drank some water and I just took her outside where she only fell down once.  I guess it's a blessing that I have the day off.  I'm alternating between being so upset and completely shutting down - it's so weird.  Well I have a nice expensive appointment at 3:00 and I guess we will figure out more then.  I have to say - that seizure was so awful - I haven't been able to imagine putting her down but at that moment when she was in that much pain I understood it.  But also - now she is okay so how fucked up would that be if I was okay - do your thing - give her the needle and then she's fine?  I'm going to go ahead and say I can't take this even though I am.  Holy fucking shit.  It's a good thing I'm not drinking or doing drugs anymore because if I was I would be wasted right now and I wouldn't even care - I would wait till tomorrow to deal with it.  How gross is that?  Why am I being mean to myself?  I'm not drunk - I'm not high - I'm here and I'm literally doing the best I can.  Aaaand I'm crying.  Fuck - okay - this is life right?  Old dogs have seizures.  What if this has happened before when I haven't been here?  Isn't that heart breaking to think about?  Okay - okay - well I'm here right now - that's all.  Okay.  Okay.  Bye Blueberry - I love you.  That was hard to say.