Why am I not better? I miss being skinny.

I do - I miss being skinny.  I'm not skinny - I'm - plump.  Plump?  I mean I'm not FAT but I have - oh seriously?  What the fuck is going on with my life?  I'm just getting old super fast, the dog is - well - I have already covered that and her walking now is so bad.  She is really on her way out.  I - I got up and went to this eye appointment today and before I went I prayed & meditated and then I was so overcome by cigarette smoke - oh it's happening again right now.  I go to the eye appointment - cancelled and they said they tried to call but my phone wasn't working.  So I made them call me again and it was working just fine.  So while I was waiting for a new appointment I got a message that my work for tomorrow is cancelled.  My sponsor just called me and that wasn't helpful AT ALL.  What the fuck is happening?  I'm sore, fat, bloated, angry - what the fuck?  I work so fucking hard and I am miserable right now and - okay - I have to stop writing - this isn't helping.  I just want to be HEALTHY FOR FUCKING FUCK'S SAKE.  Is that really too much to ask??  Maybe - maybe it fucking is I don't know.  Whatever - well - I don't feel better after writing this either.  I should exercise - I'm a fucking raging, pissed filled cunt right now.  That was fun to write.  Best part of my day - holding the crunchy dog and writing that I am an angry, pissed filled cunt.  Fuck everybody bye.