Monday, March 7, 2011

Another comedian died.

Holy shit - and we just shot a little movie with him just about a month ago. Holy fuck - I'm in total shock. He was in recovery and he was really great and he was a fucking AWESOME comic. He really had his own voice. Holy shit I don't know what to say except that if I died and it was my time to go I would be leaving on such a down swing. I honestly don't understand. I can't believe I just made his passing about me somehow. Fucking A. It's like I just run into this wall of - just - misery sometimes. I feel stuck, trapped, like a loser , like I'm in chains of stuckness. Like I'm in a cast of mud. Like my whole life and brain is cast in mud. Than I get exhausted. I watched Seven last night. I'm going to go ahead and say I need to stop watching these movies. Jesus Christ. I had a dream last night about this apartment and it had all these bathrooms and while my boyfriend and all these other couples were out going for a walk I went to use one of the bathrooms and there were toilet seat after toilet seat after toilet seat covers but no actual hole to go in. So I went and used this other cute girly pink seated toilet in a different bathroom and then this girl came and said it was her bathroom but it was okay. As I walked out of her bathroom to go back to the rest of the apartment (which was HUGE and had all these interesting hallways and rooms but very cozy and girly) I looked behind me and realized there was a door that led to an Olympic sized pool and I said to the girl "Oh!! You are right near the pool!!" And she said "Yes we can walk right through that door and go swimming - it's so great." My boyfriend in the dream had a beard and mustache and was really fun and nice. I think he was kind of burly - chubby?? A bigger guy or just definitely a dude and he and I really seemed to love each other and be laughing and hugging and kissing a lot. I'm leaving out the parts of the dream I didn't like. I'm going to look up toilets and toilet seat covers now in the dream dictionary. Oh Blueberry may he Rest In Peace.

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