So totally mother fucking depressed. I feel so hopeless and just - what's the point and so - trapped by the past. I don't know - duped? I can't even write anymore - I'm so sad. Ugh - what's the point? I really don't know what the point of anything is. I think I really just need to move so I can at least be in nature and get some relief from that. I can look at the ocean and the pain in my heart will lift a little bit. I'm just so heart broken that nothing has worked out and that my last - ugh - who cares.