I feel totally crazy.

I feel totally insane. I really do - I just - I don't know what is happening with me and why am I writing about it on here? I just feel fucking full of rage, hate, upsetness and distrust. I swear to fucking God am I never going to be happy? Am I never going to feel okay for even a day straight? Now I'm wide awake and it's 3:16 a.m. I'm so stressed out and I never have any fun. I'm trying to not feel sorry for myself . I'm just upset and I feel like I'm not supposed to be. It's like I'm fucked no matter what. I think I'm going to get in bed and meditate. I just wanted a boyfriend and I felt like maybe that was going to happen somehow and it's not. I am also upset because I can never get int ouch with Her Lady Wonder and I really - she never listens to me anyway and I feel like I'm always - settling with her. Or I don't know I'm sick of this shit. I'm sick of all of it? What's the point? Really what is the fucking point? Nothing has changed. Maybe a few things have changed but I have - no control. Whatever now this is upsetting me. I'm just - whatever. Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day. Please God help me find my way.