Saturday, March 19, 2011
I wrote part of a
monologue. From a dream I had years ago. I wish I wrote down my musical dreams or at least just the outline and the songs. I hope I will have more. I also bought a domain name and renewed my own named domain name. The guy I spoke to also told me how I could build my own website using their template. That's exciting - for sure, I'm going to see my parents tomorrow and to see and old friend and apologize to her for being - not a good friend. How hard is that to write. It makes my shoulders drop. I've gotten a lot done today....I like to travel with my room and laundry clean. I ran errands and I - well I did that. I have to pay my cell phone bill and I still have to pray and meditate and get ready and go to work. I Still have this cold - it's not better except that I don't have a fever and I can go about my day. I am learning a lot about how to stay in myself and not - lose myself really. Just let myself bleed all into other people. Melt might be a better word or a - whatever it's bleeding. I figured out where the cigarette smoke is coming from. On either side of our house there are people working on other houses. And by people I mean men that smoke - outside - a lot. Well - so there you go. I have started to be nicer to people at work and to myself. Once I realized I needed to forgive myself and that I'm not a terrible person - I felt something lift and I felt so much lighter and it's been so much easier to be nice. Plus I can't carry that around with me - it's too much. Ugh that being said I feel SO GUILTY because these girls tipped me extra last night and I and I had already put the tip on their bill and I shouldn't have done that. I should have told them it was included. And I gave one of the girls such a hard time about paying for her food (one of the other waitresses) and then I left without paying the bartenders for mine. Okaaayyy so it looks like I still need to do some work on that whole consistently nice and rigorously honest thing as well. Yeesh - okay. Well Greatest American Hero has really inspired me to write. More. So I am going to keep doing that. Hmmmm - that seems evasive. He's so totally cute and adorable. But I have to say I seriously felt that way about 4 guys yesterday. And by 4 I mean 15. Huh - that is really the truth. One guy as I was walking to work checked out my vagina and he was HOT or at least not a weirdo gross guy - you know he was cute and it totally turned me on. It felt GREAT. Sooooooo - I am making friends with Greatest American Hero and THAT is good. And I am being nicer to people although everyone thinks it is because I am getting laid. That's what a grumpy a-hole I have been...everyone thinks that the only way I could be nice is if I am having sex. I TOLD them that I wasn't but they didn't believe me. Trust me - they would see the difference. I think??? I probably wouldn't be talking at all. Just peaceful and quiet. I have to go Blueb - I love you. Talk to you later!!!