Sunday, March 13, 2011

Things have changed once again.

I have started dealing with my money issues, my family issues, and now my codependent issues. Of course I'm sad - life is sad and I'm not having sex and I hardly have any fun. But - well I met a sweet boy and he has helped me feel a little bit better. And well I feel a little bit better. I'm not saying what I want to say....maybe I don't need to say anything else. Having someone care about me is nice. Seeing someone follow their dreams is wonderful. Seeing someone sweet and nice follow their dreams is even more wonderful. I'm losing my thoughts. Here it is - I am sad that I don't have a baby or the option at the moment of having a baby in a responsible way. However what I am realizing is that if God wants me to have a baby I will have one. I would really like to adopt. If God wants me to be famous and for me to be super creative - I will be. If He wants me to be in love with a wonderful, kind, sweet, sexy, fun, hard working, wealthy man - I will be. I really do feel for the first time that I am dealing with all the facets of my inner pain. I am becoming more authentic and I'm changing and I'm also getting older. So guess what? God has some plan for me and I don't know what it is but I'm going to go ahead and trust. Trust and keep on working hard. Good night Blueberry - we got a tiny bit on the other side of the pain.

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