So fucking hard.

I don't care - it is.  It  is so fucking hard trying to change.  I'm so grateful for this new job but I am fucking exhausted.  I'm home - I just made myself beans on toast.  That was amazing.  I have the day off tomorrow and I am going to film more of that web series - which I am also SO grateful for.  I went back to the Snake Doctor.  Things haven't been right with me and I need to up my self-care BIG time.  So I worked a long ass day and I worked hard, then I went right to a meeting and took the long train ride home.  I'm so lonely and I miss the dog so much.  I need a good night sleep and I'm home - so that can happen.  I'm going to take a bath right now, get myself ready for tomorrow and ready for the week.  I don't even know how to do this - I am so flustered.  I got a part in this movie and then they completely changed the schedule after I had already arranged my schedule.  AWESOME.  No problem.  Whatever - so much planning all the time.  Everyone is so sweet at this new job, they are nurturing and nice - even the guys - it's so bizarre.  I hope I am doing the right thing.  By what?  Getting a different job?  Staying sober?  I don't know - I just need to take care of myself right now - tonight - that's it.  The rest I can figure out tomorrow.  I love you Bluebie - thanks for being with me.