Monday.

It's Monday and it's Labor Day and I'm in my apartment with the windows open listening to the rain - it's nice.  It's warm and muggy but it's nice.  I just went and got some more grocery stuff and I finally am able to get my shit together for the week.  Today is the birthday of the woman who died last year from our disease - she was such a beautiful soul.  Sassy and hard but really such a loving person and hilarious.  And gorgeous - ugh I totally cried - it's so sad and painful what this does to people, families and - communities.  Gross.  I am definitely freaking out about tomorrow but fuck that - I am just going to keep going.  I got a haircut yesterday, mani/pedi (which was done by a gay Asian man who didn't feel gay - awkward), went to 2 meetings and spent time with my sponsee.  I also went to this church and cried and meditated for awhile.  I sat in front of this statue that reminds me of - I won't say but ugh I cried and I cried hard.  I forget how that painful thing was so affected by alcoholism.  I know I'm not making any sense but that one tragedy is too hard for me to write about and - I guess it just has to be that way.  I felt sort of punched by how upset I was - it's not something I think about everyday and holy shit - fuck the people I have lost and the world has lost from this disease.  If I only so one thing it's to grow in sobriety.  I think I might be being really fucking sentimental about this next anniversary.  My sponsor last year said that it's just another day and it is - it really is.  So let's calm down.  I woke up today, prayed & meditated, went in the park and - what else?  Went to the grocery store.  Ooookay - doesn't seem like much but it feels like a miracle.  To me.  I felt so gross yesterday after working Saturday night - ohhhh and I went to another place to see about a job - oh yes I did.  Okay - okay.  I need to go about this day and go host an open mike - come home and get to a meeting and clean and get ready for the week.  Byeee Bluebie I LOVE YOU.