OMG HI

Holy fucknuts - I am - stressed out.  Stressed out but taking care of myself.  This is what I was never able to do before - before being 12 years ago - when I wasn't even a total drunk yet and working hard in show business.  HA - or my version of show business.  Anyway - I was always tired - never eating well - blah, blah and blech - I don't even want to talk about it.  What I am doing now is trying to keep as much balance as I can and trying to keep my level of desperation down as well.  I mean - for example right now - I need to go for a walk, get some exercise and rejuvenate - right?  But there is something in me telling me to RUN - RUN and go do things so I can be famous!!!!  What?  And ew.  Am I even making any sense?  This new job is SO INTENSE - holy fucknuts - so intense.  My schedule is getting a little out of wack but I'm dealing with it.  For some reason I am also telling myself that it would be better to go shopping and get clothes for this shoot tomorrow rather than go in the park and take care of myself.  Um - what?  Do you know the most amazing part of this new job - besides all the clear eyeballs?  No one is smoking pot in the basement or doing drug deals out of it for that matter.  I mean - listen - it is what I LOVED about that comedy club - for sure - absolutely.  But now I'm sober and now I can't work at a place like that anymore.  I have the day off - I need a meeting and to get ready to work 6 days next week.  I hope this al balances out - I need to pay my rent and take care of my life - get my feet on the ground.  I had my acting class last night and it was AMAZING.  It was great - I worked really hard on my piece and now I feel even more like I have tools to work with.  It just takes so much WORK for me to be able to do decent work - so that is frustrating but knowledge is power right?  Also about this ne job there are tons of dancers there!!!  What - how cool is that???  One of them said to me "Why walk when you can dance?"  HA.  I'm doing teeny tiny things towards getting back into dance.  Goals.  I LOVE YOU BLUEBERS.