11:18 a.m. on July 24th.

I already prayed and meditated and it has occurred to me these last few days that I really am learning all new ways of being and it is going to take a lot of time. So I just have to take it easy. I just ate a Macadamia and Apricot Kind bar and it was fucking delicious. I love them so much. The only thing is they have coconut in them and it hurts my body sometimes. I have a sensitivity towards it. I have to buy them without it next time. I have the day off and I'm going to rehearsal for this live band karaoke thing for tomorrow night. It's really far away and I am already running late except that - well I don't totally care. I want to take care of myself first. It's still hot out but not quite as insane. Work was okay last night - not great but I got to work 2 shows anyway. It was really hot but the yoga and meditation I did before I left really helped. I'm drinking coffee and I think I will make another cup. I have work tomorrow and the other days until Saturday. I'm really - well I was going to say tempted but that's not the right word. I need to not work until 7. 6 is perfect but then I have to wake up at 7 and waking up at 8 works really great for me. Okay I will figure this out later. Well I should get ready to go. I am happy to get out of the house today and not be here for this shower. I can really only handle so many baby sowers for other people. What? No - that's not true - I'm just tired and I need to get out of the house and she and I really aren't friends. Jeez. She could care less!! Okay I heard a woman speak yesterday who said she has to start her day over again and OFTEN. Sometimes several times a days she starts her day over. I like that so much. It was so crazy - I could see the person in her that she would be if she wasn't working a good program. I could see the scar of the angry, bitter person. She isn't now though. She is soft, loving and honest. Tall Not So Dark And Creepy is up here and he is listening as I type - I can feel it. He is shaking out some rugs in a really angry, aggressive way. Now he has slammed the dryer door. Being spiritually fit about him is something that is very challenging. Very. I'm not sure how to do that but I do know that if I leave here right now I don't have to spend any time with him today. Okay. How do I have acceptance? Well I can practice acceptance. See he just did something by my door and it feels very angry but if I asked him he would say he's not. Maybe - or he would say he is angry about something else - other than what he is upset about. It's okay. Accept. Accept. My childhood - do as I say - accept. Hard work to do today Bluebie - accept. Thank you for being here!!!! I LOVE YOU!!! Ah he tuened off the air I think. Well I'm turning it back on.