!00 degrees and

so far I am okay because I am indoors and I left the air on all night long. Part of why it's so hard at that store is all the heat gets trapped in there - I can't take it. Plus my arm really hurts. I did something to my shoulder but now from the way I hold the mouse and where it is - it hurts. That's all - I was very hot and in a lot of pain yesterday. I went to the comedy club and it was so fucking busy and hot and my pants were too tight and I was MISERABLE. It was awful. I was such a dick. Thank GOD I am not at the boutique today - by the end of the day there I had nothing left - it was awful. Well I finally got paid today from her. That's good - so I can pay my bills and take better care of myself. It's so hot out I'm not sure what to do with my day. Well if it's busy again at the comedy club I have to work. Maybe I won't have to - I have to be at the boutique at 10 in the morning. It's so crazy - I'm not sure that I am making more monay. I am so PMS right now - soooo bad. I'm totally so uncomfortable. I need to pray and meditate, do laundry and maybe a manicure. I at best need to give myself a manicure. I would also love that back massage I originally wanted before I got that full body bask side sex massage. Just a simple shoulder massage. Why do I create these same patterns of unhappiness in myself? What is it I'm supposed to learn? There is some spiritual lesson I am supposed to integrate into my life an I don't know what it is. I'm not saying it right. But that's why I am here right now - feeling trapped, desperate, like no one loves me, lonely, no love - afraid of life, no babies, no dreams - can't have what I want, physically constipated - emotionally constipated. Miserable. So unhappy, trapped and deprived. I just feel poor and awful. It's so crazy. I really need a meeting and right now I should probably just pray and meditate. I also have to turn the air back on - it's already so hot after just 10 minutes. Okay - here we go - I will feel better soon. Maybe. Bye Blueb.