Monday, December 16, 2013

Unmanageable.

Did I even spell that correctly?  Lord have mercy - my life is unmanageable.  The first step for drunks is - 1. Came to believe that we are powerless over alcohol - that our lives had become unmanageable.  Is that the first step - OMG - I don't even know.  Okay - yes - that's it.  Whew - okay.  Who says whew - I don't know I guess I do.  I just don't know how to keep it all straight and listen - it's just me.  I'm so confused keeping acting, comedy (what little of it there is), my laundry, food - blah, 2 jobs straight.  I don't even know what is happening.  Okay - this is where I am going to turn to the 4 agreements.  Always do your best.  I am at this moment going to do my best and today - today I did my best.  I woke up, prayed & meditated, worked - SHOWERED - I KEEP TAKING SHOWERS AMAZING, got some groceries and flowers, went to the meeting around the corner from my house, returned 2 phone calls, heated up my newest crockpot mediocre dish and talked to my sponsor.  Now I just need to clean a little bit - that's all - just give myself 45 minutes - I can do it - right?  Go to work tomorrow at another job - oh my fucking JOB.  That's what I'm going to start saying instead of oh my God.  OMJ.  Oh my Job.  OMJ.  I'm never going to remember this - ugh - byeeeee Bluebie I love you.  

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