Thursday, December 12, 2013

Eating peanut butter out of the jar......

and it's so good.  So fucking good.  Skippy.  Who eats anything but Skippy?  I just went to Rite Aid (the grocery store was closed) and all they had was Jiff.  I literally sat there staring at the shelf for a full minute - I even read the label and had this horrible taste sense memory of the grossness of Jiff and I was like no WAY.  Then I went to the bodega - OH MY GOD IM SO BORING - I'm writing about peanut butter - holy fuck.  Oh my GOD though this Skippy is so good I'm petting my OWN hair.  COME ONE - I just couldn't chance it with Jiffy - sorry Jiffy lovers - I love Skippy.  Okaaaay - anywaaaaay.  It is so fucking cold out - 20 degrees - that's cold right?  I left the store and I was like "Okay - I'm going to be a hero to myself and show up to this orientation and go to a meeting - no one else will be there but I will be there."  Of course almost cancelling before each place and at each place there were TONS of people.  I was like "Oh - holy shit - people show the fuck up!!  Alright!!"  I even had the balls to introduce myself to people but only after other people did too.  I have to say the speaker a the meeting had on a green pants suit - like one piece from the 70's and she made jokes that weren't funny but people laughed and I tried to say thank you but the pants suit prevented me from doing that - I just couldn't.  I saw that fucking one piece green pants suit and I was like "oh boy - no no I'm just going to have to go."  Then this other guy was talking about - WHO THE FUCK KNOWS what - moisture in his mouth and being present and we were all designed for this one moment and I just wanted to scream "SHUT THE FUUUUCKKK UUPPP!"  Oh my dear God - am I ever going to be able to listen to people be open and vulnerable without wanting to stab them in the throat?  I don't know - I'm such a turd I just don't get that.  I mean he's probably totally right and I'm just not evolved but there is a part of me that gets upset when people talk about sobriety in trippy, druggy ways.  I mean - I always wanted to be so "Yeah man - peace - for sure - yeaaaah - looove."  But drugs just made me implode or explode or trip out like a douche bag.  So I guess I get upset when people seem like they are talking hippy talk in sobriety.  But also maybe he's newly sober right?  Maybe that's what he needed to say and maybe what he said really helped someone.  It helped me to have something to write about.  If I had to really guess he's probably in love with someone who goes there and that's who he was "talking" to.  I just imagined that girl in the green pants suit cremeing the fuck out of her pants suit.  So I guess that it's nice people in sobriety find each other.  He was SO CUTE - holy shit but he started talking and I was like oh boy - ohhhhhh no sir - nopeity nope nope.  I need to find some sarcastic - what?  Oh hot guy.  Who isn't a douche.  Great - I have a goal.  I love you Bluebie bye.

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