Monday, April 29, 2013

Well....so.....

I'm sad.  What a weird break up this is.  Here's what is good - I'm taking care of myself as best I can.  That was exhausting to write.  I realized today I am an excessive caretaker - I really am.  That's why I say yes all the time when I want to say no - why I work for that girl all the time even though I don't want to - AT ALL and it fills me with rage.  That was exhausting to write also.  I'm so alanonic and I'm such an alcoholic too.  I went to this show last night - before I got home and ate the Popsicle - which was delicious by the way - I absolutely adore grape Popsicles - with or without someone.  Okay so I went to this show - a musical about May West - who apparently was QUITE the lady and QUITE the business person - I loved it.  It's in its early stages but it was really great - very inspiring.  As I walked towards the theater I saw a woman I know and she said "Oh good - now I have someone to sit with!"  Which I was not expecting and - well - I don't know her that well and - she's little pully energy wise.  Or a lot - she's a lot pully energy wise.  Okay - so I detached with love - juuuuust detached.  Then at the end I said "Okay - I'm going to run now - bye!"  I was very polite - plus I was farting through the whole thing so - well - that's what you get for forcing yourself to sit with someone.  Whenever I drink those green drinks - holy farting.  Anyway - what is my point?  I went to therapy today and bought myself some make-up - made myself dinner - that was so nice.  I did laundry today and I did the dishes and hand washed what needed to be hand washed.  I did think how I am so sad about this guy - well I'm not SO sad - I mean - I'm so sad but I'm not a complete disaster - however - well it sucks and it's painful and it feels like he doesn't care.  You know I don't even know if that's true.  I just know I'm sad and it's easier thinking of him as a turd.  You know Mae West said in that show to who - who was it?  The German old timey actress - oh Marlene Dietrich - Mae tells her to fall in love with herself again.  What am I doing?  It's 2:10 a.m. I need to sleep - I have to work tomorrow.  I've got some new goals.  Give up - stop helping other people's feelings so much, do the best I can while not really trying TOO hard, be REALLY nice to myself, be kind to others and fall in love with myself again.  BOOM.  Oh - and I am almost to the part of the book of doing the 21 vegan day diet.  I ate vegan tonight - all day really - except for the yogurt, feta and cool whip.  It's better - I guess I ate vegetarian really.  No meat!  What - ever - I love your Bluebie not face.

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