OKAY - RESPONSIBILITY.

Alright - look this isn't going to change - ever - I am never going to get what I want from this same behavior and from dating the wrong people and blah blah.  That's not my point.  I AM WORKING SO FUCKING HARD.  I AM A GOOD KIND FUCKING PERSON.  I LOVE.  Now I need to take mother fucking responsibility for my own fucking actions and for my own fucking issues and move past this.  I loved that meeting I went to where the woman said she was responsible for her alcoholism - right?  Once she realized she had it - she knew and wanted to be responsible for it.  I LOVED THAT.  now - now I can be responsible for that and I can be responsible for what?  These horrible feeling and for the fact that expect something from someplace I simply can not get it.  I can not get love and support from this man.  Of course he went right back to her - it's so easy.  I am not doing the easy thing - I am doing the loving, wonderful thing I wanted to do years & years ago.  What?  I don't even make SENSE right now.  I don't have to give any more of myself to him.  Not my time or caring or attention or anything - at all.  I owe him nothing.  I have been so nice and kind - I let him stay with me, let him keep stuff there - no more - I owe him nothing.  That's what feels right right now - take care of myself and I owe him NOTHING.  FUCK!!!!  Fucking fuck.