Up, down, up down......

I got back from the farm yesterday and had the most wonderful trip.  I did my best to take care of myself and I got to work today and I look good, feel great after a few days on the beach and I am trying so hard to be nice to myself despite the fact that my career isn't where I want it to be.  My sister said the most brilliant thing and said I should say what I want from a career - what I want to be doing.  Right?  Write?  So I want to be having fun, be creatively fulfilled, be learning for work - lots of fun and interesting things.  I want to be stimulated and I want to be excited and I want to be physically involved as well.  I miss doing comedy so much but how the fuck am I supposed to do it?  How do I have the time?  I am in the process of freaking out right now but let's use the energy for good.  I want to be super creative and work with equally creative people who are nice and excited.  Healthy and fun.  Stimulated, using my energy well, writing, performing, creating color.  I don't know what that means but that's what I mean.  I want to take a writing workshop at the Open Center but I can't find anything anytime soon.  Ugh.  Alright - well - okay - I had such a nice trip.  It was so gorgeous - soooooo pretty and healthy and fresh.  We went to the beach 3 days in a row and had fresh corn from the garden and - lots of other wonderful things.  My sister gave me the cutest navy and turquoise striped pajamas!!!  Oh my GOD - so cute.  I feel so blessed they are so close and that I have that to go to.  Time to continue freaking out.  Byeeeee Bluebie!!!  I miss you!!!!!