Okay - wow.

So crazy - I'm so - crazy - or not - I don't know.  I am going through something.  My best friend moved away - I moved out of that crazy house - my jobs are so far away - I'm not in class and - well - I'm broke.  Broken.  Am I?  I live here because I still want to to chase my dream - because the life I have made for myself is here.  I miss the beach - I miss my family - I miss fresh air.  I'm so uncomfortable.  It feels like layers of things are going away.  What?  I can't explain it - I'm having so many FEELINGS.  How is it fucking possible for me to have MORE feelings than I already do?  If I had in confidence what I have in FEELINGS - I could do anything I wanted to.  Christ all fucking mighty.  I guess that's why this is hard.  I'm not making sense really.  I'm eating yogurt with berries and gound flax and I prayed & meditated - in earnest this morning.  This is a good start to my day.  I'm also going to extra therapy tonight.  Extra therapy.  Thank God - and OH my God.  I want to live my dream.  Oh boy.  Bye Blueberry - I love you.