Subtle changes....

So - I can feel and see in my thinking some subtle changes.  I mean - what am I talking about?  It's Sunday  morning and I woke up early but I wanted to get a start on my day.  I wanted to get started on living today, already.  So yesterday I realized - well - no a few days ago I realized when I am angrily helping someone or giving my time to them when I don't want to - I am not being of service to them and I'm not helping them.  More than that - I'm not helping ME.  I'm just making a pot of misery and it's so irresponsible.  If I'm trying to grow up in every way than that is one on which I need to be very aware that I play a part in.  If I don't want to be around someone than I need to take the responsibility to say no.  From a healthy, strong place.  As my sister says - just say "Oh - that's not going to work for me."  Now - what else?  So yesterday I told this woman I would met her at a meeting - much earlier than I would have normally been to because of work but I wanted to help her.  Then I saw her on the bus so we rode over and there was a detour.  Then the meeting and talking afterwards.  Guess what?  I wasn't exhausted or MAD that I spent so much time with her.  I was able to be of service to her.  She really does need help and I was able to help her.  Here's the thing - if someone doesn't have something to give me - they can't give it.  And sometimes - probably a lot of times - I don't have what someone else needs.  And me still hanging out with them but being angry about it - that's not right.  It's just not.  WOW.  How boring and mind blowing - right?  If someone needs help and all I do is feel victimized - how is that working any kind of program?  So now I'm going to do some work on releasing some shit from the past.  I asked this random guy at work if he had resentments he holds onto and he said no.  He was like "Just don't do it."  It sounds ridiculously simple.  Maybe too simple now that I'm writing it down.  Typing it down.  I like that - typing it down.  Bye Blueberry - I love you!!!