I'm crashing.

Yesterday was a long day - her at the store, then I did an open mike, met with my friend who I'm filming that thing for and then I did another show.  I got home and I missed the dog so much - right now - I miss her so much.  Fuck now I'm crying but I think I'm - I don't know - I think I'm just exhausted.  I just looked up an old boyfriend - why did I do that?  Now I'm doing a double and I'm tired.  I'm tired and I'm so fucking poor.  What?  I'm not POOR but I'm not - what???  RICH with acting money??  How??  Now that I have been auditioning and submitting myself for 3 months for things - how has my life not completely changed?  I'm also so very sad about my sponsor.  I can't seem to call her.  I will call tomorrow - these days have been too erratic here at the store - it's just too awkward to have a conversation when I have to hang up because someone is barking at me "How much is that I don't have on my glasses??"  I need some water and a piece of chocolate - that's what I think.  I talked to a man on the phone my friend wants to hook me up with - he was nice.  He has cancer but I think he's going to fine.  He has cancer from 9/11.  When I looked at this blog while I was talking to him - when I looked at the page views (I guess I wasn't totally focused on the conversation)  - it said 9 views today - 11 yesterday.  Um - that's weird right?  It literally said 9-11.  I don't know - I don't know anything except I feel like if I told my sponsor that she would say something like "It doesn't mean anything - that is ridiculous."  How can I have a sponsor who doesn't believe in horoscopes???  I'm kidding.  Ugh - I'm so sad - I feel very alone.  Do you know what's great?  The shows last night - they were so much fun.  In the first show there was a guy who was really cute and it didn't throw me off at all - so that was wonderful.  I just MISS her.  Did I mention I'm in love with Will Arnette?  What is WRONG with me?  I'm a mess.  Ugh.  Okay - bye Bluebs.