I need to get my God Damn Mother Fucking Power Back.

It has been almost 4 years since I have been fighting and struggling to get sober and get my life back on track and do not feel like the one thing I have done is get my fucking power back.  I'm fucking angry and annoyed and I want it back now.  I have worked too fucking hard to just whine away.  That's it - I don't even mean whine away - I mean FADE away.  Fuck that - fuck this.  I feel so gross and toxic - I mean - physically.  I shoved like 20 tater tots in my face super fast at work last night and I think it is KILLING me today.  Maybe I am just tired - I just literally feel like there is poison in my blood.  That fucking cigarette smoke can't be helping.  I made myself a beautiful lunch and I just drank a green drink and I'm having some green tea.  Hopefully this will help.  Grease?  I don't know - rage?  For sure.  I'm so tired but I couldn't nap.  I WANT TO BE AMAZING BUT I'M TOO TIRED AND ANGRY TO BE.  Hmmmm - maybe not.  Bye.