I hope this day gets better.

They woke me up at least 5 times and I had the worst dreams last night. I got up though after I fell back asleep a couple of times so that I could get a decent night sleep. I made the bed, fed the dog and put away my things from work. The comedy club was terrible this weekend but I still made enough money I suppose. I can pay my bills. I charged someone wrong yesterday at the boutique and it got me so upset that I actually called my friend who works there also and was going to ask her basically to lie for me. Or to be in on the avoiding telling the owner about it pert. How fucked up is that? I am so ashamed of myself that I even went in that direction. The good part is that she talked me through taking care of it and she said that no one should be screaming at me - no matter how little or how much I am being paid and it's true. IT is making me so sad that this is my life. I am so worried and scared about a job where I barely make enough money to live and I am frightened because I made a small human error. I can't go in the direction of lying - what the fuck was that? I wrote the end of the day report and I took care of the situation as well as I could and then she(the owner) wrote back and was like, "I don't understand what happened?" Now it has been drining me nuts ever since then. I felt sick at the comedy club and now I thought about it all night and I don't want to deal with it. Being rigorously honest is very difficult and I don't know once again if this is going to work out. I really don't know. I got home here and - I just - what am I doing? Why am I here? This is all so foolish and awful. I'm so lonely and my friend was so - awful yesterday. It's always all about her. She never asks how I am. If I'm upset she will be there but otherwise it always pulls towards her. Heavily so. This just sucks. I have another friend who - ugh - why - why write this? I'm not okay - I need to pray and meditate and go to a meeting. I will write the owner right now and explain what happened. Let her deal with it. This is my day off and I shouldn't have to take this shit home with me. I will feel better after a shower I suppose. The weather changed so that can't be helping. I told Wolfgang how much I love Dexter and he said "I hate that show with everything I stand for." I was like "Whaaaat?" Then he repeated himself exactly. I watched the last episode last night and I realized how it is totally ridiculous. I am just having a hard time right now that's all. I just need to be honest and look for another job. Wouldn't just one job where I am taken care of be great? I am so lonely. How is this what my life is supposed to be? I'm so sad. Big sigh. Bye.