The family is so late

already!! They were supposed to be on the train already - ha I guess I should have expected that - no big deal. I really want to go back to bed. I have to say that I am very conflicted about my feelings for Larni. He seems kind of not so nice. Really that's what I am upset about. He can just be outright mean and not nice. For years because I drank and felt like a loser I guess I felt like I deserved it. Well no one ever deserves to be treated poorly or to have a friend who is unkind and not caring with their (my) feelings. I am so tired - I really might go back to sleep. It's almost 11 - they are not going to get here until 3 at least. Right? Um - anyway - I'm sad about Larni - I don't feel like I can trust him but I'm also sad because he's hurting himself - sort of - I don't know. I have no fucking idea. I am looking at him and I need to look at me. I need to go back to sleeeeeeep!!!