Not okay today.

I woke up with bad thoughts in my head and I feel crazy. I got really upset last night because I thought the video wasn't going to burn in the new CD burner I bought. I really had a breakdown but I prayed and it worked. I have been working so hard at this and I don't even know if it's good. I want my parents to have something nice to see on their big weekend. I have been in this house for 2 days and I haven't been to a meeting. I just - hate living here. I think htey must have smoked cigarettes all night long - it reeks in here. If I play my cards right I can save a lot of money - or at least a chunk of money working in July. Then I can move. I woke up scared and I just have this terrible thoughts that I got my career stolen from me. It's not true - it's just not. I feel sick to my stomach. The birds are chirpping and it's a sunny, beautiful day. I need to go for a walk and I need to get out of the house. I have to getmyself ready to go away for almost a week also and that is stressing me out. I hate that I can't just leave here. leave my door locked and that's that. I heard him unlock the guests room across the way. I just need to move. I just need to take care of myself and move. Okay. First today I have to take care of myself and move my body and meditate. I need to get to a meeting. It sort of sucks that if I don't go I get this crazy. I iwll be okay - by tonight I will feel better - for sure.