I'm so confused.

Okay so I get paid direct deposit from the boutique and it's supposed to be there today and it isn't. So now I can't pay my rent today and I am so not okay with that. This is very annoying. I also had the worst drunk dreams last night - it was insane. I have this one dream that is reoccurring and where time continues. So in this dream I have been drinking since I got into the program. At first it was one drink - a glass of white wine, then another then 3, all the while I was thinking in this dream - I have to go back and count days. So this dream last night was me getting a beer out of the fridge and thinking - who cares - I have been drinking this whole time? But it was a multi-layered dream where I also was so disappointed in myself and somehow there was a whole group of us trying to decide whether or not to say we drank again. I'm not making nay sense - this is awful. Just to be clear these were dreams - I didn't drink or do ANYTHING. I'm so confused. When I took benedryl I had drunk dreams but I didn't take anything - I didn't even want to yesterday. I worked both jobs and I went to a meeting. I forgot to call Her Lady Wonder but that's okay. I also spoke to Larni again. I told him I felt disrespected and blah, blah. He was so sweet and said how much he loves me, needs me and how important I am to the work. It was really kind of him and it's all good - he's a good person. I fucked up at the end of the day at the boutique and I think I locked her out. I tried to call her but she never called me back or replied to my email. I made the same mistake I made before also (with a receipt) only this time I fixed it. I really wanted to take the proof and the receipt with me but I didn't. The good won out in the end but I seriously didn't want to do that. I really wanted to do the wrong thing just to avoid her getting mad at me. Maybe that's why I had the drunk dreams. I did the right thing but it scared me how much I wanted to do the wrong thing. I even decided at one point to do the wrong thing. Yikes - not good. I'm so annoyed about this fucking direct deposit - so not direct deposit. I would get paid faster if she MAILED me a check. The dog is just staring at me - she wants to go out. Holy hardcore staring. Okay well I have to walk her and go do my service at this 12:30 meeting. Bye Blueb. Enjoy this beautiful day!!