Saturday at the boutique.

It's rainy so not so crazy busy - but I did sell some things already. I am tired as I got about 4 hours of sleep but I'm her and I feel okay. I just ate the hugest burger from Barking Dog. It was amazing. I shouldn't have eaten that - let's say - but I wanted it so bad. My implementation of will power can only go so far in these early stages. Pink had a baby. She looks like a giant, huge cow but I'm still a little jealous. Plus her husband is GORGEOUS - I had no idea. What am I talking about I'm jealous? Really? I can barely handle doing what I am doing right now. I just started to feel like I am a little bit in the world. She is in constant motion - what am I talking about? Okay this is where it is so obvious I am tired. I don't know how I am going to do 3 doubles in a row come the end of the month. Every week!! What - oh no - every other week. Hmmmm. I don't know. It's nice to get it out of the way. Who am I? What am I doing? I noticed a guy at the club eyeing me - or I could feel him watching me and I was so confused because he is married and he also has never really paid me much mind before. I also heard at the end of the night that his wife was pregnant and I still don't understand what was happening. I don't understand people. It is so hard to be so sensitive and yet so clueless. I just don't get people. I think maybe I will never have a relationship and that is just fine with me!! What a relief. After I wrote on here yesterday I walked the dog out back and when I cam e back to the house the landlord had locked and shut the door AND left. What a fucking a-hole. I'm just surprised he didn't shut the garage door. Please dear God I can live without a boyfriend but let me please handle how horrible that creep makes me feel so I can move the fuck OUT of that house. I walked RIGHT by he and his boyfriend in the kitchen - we even spoke. They both just completely blocked out that I was out in the alley and locked the door. He also didn't answer his phone and now his boyfriends phone doesn't work. I am living exactly the way I lived growing up. I really am. Especially when I was a teenager. No privacy, my creativity stifled and I also felt like I wasn't important. But I also felt a lot of pressure to help. What THE FUCK is THAT? Holy shit. Repetition Compulsion says that until I can handle the feeling I won't move on OR I will recreate the pattern the next place I go to. I feel repressed in every way at that house. Sexually (so of course creatively), comfort wise, privacy wise and safety wise. Invaded ALL the time. Well - huh - that's that's just the way it is I guess. I'm going to do some research right now. I wonder what the chances are I can actually change things? I am sober - that I have changed. This is different. I have to go look this up. This is very important boutique business. What? Byeeeee Blueb.