I am having some serious coffee right now.

Holy cow. I have to get out of this house. But more than that I'm over it. I'm just done. He called me yesterday at the boutique because he said he was locked out. After I told him where I work, got the keys off the chain, went a little crazy about him showing up there (because he is crazy looking) - he calls and says it's fine. When I told him he locked me out he said he got a migraine and had to take a shower. I was like - um I left you in the kitchen and you were fine. I walked the dog and you were completely gone. Why am I writing about this? Other people write about giving birth and living and I'm writing about the crazy house I live in and my gay sex addicted landlord. Which he is and that's where they were when I was locked out and he was so high that he had no idea or didn't care. Okay anyway....yeesh. I worked 5 days worth of work in 3 and now I can pay more bills. It has been so slow at the comedy club - holy cow. Thank God for this new boutique job or I would be having a really hard time. OR a lot of homemade time. Homemade hair etc. I am going to shoot another video today - I'm excited - sounds like a funny one. Oh I need to read the new script. When it comes to money I see so much of my older sister in me. It's crazy. I want nice things but I don't want to work OR/AND I just don't want to recognize the reality of I can only have so much and if I overspend - I don't have money. I keep ordering food while I'm at the boutique. It is so much money wasted. I am exhausted but I think the coffee is kicking in. I need to get in the shower and do this. I should go to the bank before the shoot. This is my point about money. If I were EVEN better with it and I am better - so much better - but if I were even better I could move out faster. I could move out and for once in the longest time it would be a relief to come home. Not only that but I could make myself an egg if I wanted an egg and it wouldn't be the most uncomfortable, awkward thing in the world. I have to make my new vision board. This one has been amazing - it really has. Okay - oh dear. I might not be AS miserable and filled with rage but I am definitely still angry. Well Okay - alright - none of this was supposed to get cleaned up over night. It's not the dark years anymore and that is wonderful. The Tao says we have 3 treasures: Simplicity, Patience and Compassion. That is all I need today. To keep my 3 treasures near to my heart. Bye Blueberry - you are amazing.