Fascinating - in a rage inducing way.....

I live in a house where someone has a "Do what I say not as I do" policy and it fills me with rage. I also feel trapped here and like I can not express myself creatively. I also feel like everyone else is happy here and I feel like I can never leave. What else? I just have to accept - accept how I feel and still love myself. It is so fucking crazy that I completely subconsciously recreated my life from when I was about 16 years old. Insane. I also feel like I can't say what I want or even remotely get what I want. That being said I can leave here and I want to and I need to. I'm scared - which also seems crazy but I need to do it for my growth. It is just too toxic here for me and I am not happy or even nice. I do not like my behavior here and well - I'm moving on. What? Here's the thing - all of these things make me so upset - for example being woken up by any number of crazy instruments at any hour of the day and night and people living here for free who also make me feel not comfortable in the place where I DO pay to live. That all makes TOTAL sense and it is fair for me to have my feelings. That being said for some reason which I am not totally clear on - when I react from the emotional state I get in when I am first upset - I totally don't get what I need or want and I seem like a psycho which makes me then get upset with myself AND beat myself up AND it makes everything worse. Okay - sooo...so how the fuck do I get myself out of all of this in a healthy way? I can say this much - he was just blasting some music of him playing the Guzheng and I decided I would just turn it down as I walked by to walk the dog. And that is exactly what I did. Her Lady Wonder said I can't get mad if I don't ask for what I want and in this case I just did what I wanted to have done. That is the first step in me taking care of myself - asking for what I want and doing what I want to have done. I am a real bag of tricks I tell you. I feel like I have so much mess to clean up all the time within myself. Please some people have it so much worse. Here is the thing - when I am uncomfortable and someones actions - whatever they are - are adding to my discomfort I have EVERY right to say something AND do something about it. They will have to deal with their feelings and if it means the person doesn't like me anymore - well then - oh well. It hurts me that this is not the happiest living situation and that I feel like if I could just be "cooler" about things it would all be great. But I have to take care of myself now. Okay I have some resentment writing to do.