Saturday, January 4, 2014

Oh no - I'm not better and the cigarette smoke is awful.

I woke up to it - it's all I think about.  Should I call and ask him to please smoke less?  But I do not know 100% that it's him - it could be a neighbor and by law - you can smoke in your apartment - that's it.  So I guess by law - he can smoke in the office down below me.  It's so quiet here - seriously - soooooo quiet - it's heavenly quiet.  I mean if there wasn't any smoke I would never leave probably.  I just feel like a loser - like I don't know how to take care of it without a guy.  Like if I had a guy - he could go tell him to smoke less.  I think I need to call my sponsor.  I tried to pray and meditate when I woke up just now but it's so smokey I can't concentrate.  I also need to wash my hair - all things get weird in my head when I need to wash my hair.  I'm so tired and I never want to go to work again while simultaneously being so upset that all I do is work at shitty jobs.  Oh boy - I need some help right now - I am going down the rabbit hole.  Oh no - I hate so much right now.  Oh boy - okay - I'm going to come back - I'm going to try to work through this somehow - love you Bluebie bye.

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