Thursday, January 23, 2014
In the name of science - this day sucks.
And why? I don't know - it just does. I had such a good day yesterday - I fucking actually went to a dance class at Alvin Ailey - un-fucking believable. I almost died at first - for real. I was like "okay if I have to throw up I will run out in the hall and do it and I will be so embarrassed but I will come back." But then I didn't throw up and it was so much fun - sososososooooo much fun and all I want to do it dance. I didn't have to work here at the store and so I went and met my friend and wrote and then went to this great meeting and got an audition for today. THEN TODAY HAPPENED. I fucking got on the train late and then there was some sort of incident so we all had to get off the train and go back uptown then downtown then uptown - what are you kidding me. Then I couldn't go to the audition - because she wouldn't let me leave the store and I am obsessed with this gay guy from work. No - no - I am not obsessed with him - at all. I dreamt about him all night last night and it freaked me out. I'm triggered by him I guess. Yeah - so - there's that. That's - itching me. I'm so thirsty right now also - oh my God. So I'm just fucked up right now. I'm all off myself. So in the name of true record keeping I am taking this down here on my sobriety blog (that was hard to write with a straight face) - and so this is a new day right? Yesterday was a good day and now today is a new day and I am doing the best I can. I just want to go home right now but I really need a meeting. I mean right? What I really need is to get out of my fucking head and get some water. Okay - whatever - how did I ever do anything before when I was drinking? I mean I can't do anything. I'm beating myself up right? This will pass. Okay - so - barf - I'm verklemped today but at least I'm sober. So just for today I need to stay sober. Love you Bluebie bye.