Alright - well - ugh.

I totally forgot to call my alanon sponsor this morning and I was also late tot he store.  The level of anxiety these things caused me was horrifying - and of course because I was running late the fucking train waited in each station for an eternity with the doors opening and closing over & over & over again.  It was like a scene out of a horror film for me - dear LORD.  I'm so confused because I went to that dance class, wrote with my friend and then went to a late night meeting to make sure to go to a meeting - but it seemed to throw everything off - I just got home too late.  Or is it that I did something so great for myself - taking this dance class makes me so happy even though I am bizarrely competitive in the class with these girls that can only be like 20 - it's so insane.  Am I having repercussions of taking care of myself by forgetting things and running late again?  I mean I know I'm human and this is all a work in progress but somehow it's a choice also - if I got out of bed at 7:30 - or even 8:00 or even got in the shower at 8:45 blah blah.  Ugh - anyway - Jesus - that sickening feeling of doing something wrong and then being stuck on a train is horrifying.  Oh and to add to it I had a SOBER dream - instead of a drunk dream I had a dream I was at this meeting and I kept going on and ON about my feelings and I could tell everyone was like SHUT UP already but I couldn't stop.  Then at the end of the meeting I shared again and went into MORE details about my feelings and it was FOREVER.  Plus my sisters were there and they were confused and seemingly embarrassed.  What a bizarre dream.  So I'm all verklemped and I just want to get mad at my alanon sponsor for changing our time to talk all the time for me forgetting - but what is that?  It's my responsibility.  ISNT BEING SOBER FUN????  Bye.