Once again - WHAT AM I DOING?

I have no idea - worked a really long shift, went to a meeting, came home and made myself delicious eggs and now I basically need to go to bed to wake up at 6 and be there at 8:00 again.  I want to move to California - that's it - that's what I want.  I want to surf and I want sunshine and warmth and to breastfeed a baby on the beach.  THAT'S WHAT I WANT.  I want to run around and have blonde highlights and a convertible and an adventure.  I also want to have A LOT OF BEACH SEX.  That's it.  I said to someone about the cigarette smoke here and she said "Oh - why don't you sublet it?"  HA - YEAH WHY DON'T I???  This is all so slowwwww I can't take it.  I don't want to waitress anymore but also - I can actually pay my rent and I can do shows.  I have a show tomorrow night and I can take my class - it's just s FUCKING SLOW OMG.  AND WHERE IS MY BOYFRIEND?????  I want my gorgeous boyfriend/husband/amazing fun friend/sex lover extraordinaire ALREADY!!!  Is this a spiritual awakening????  I don't know - probably not and you know what - I don't know what the fuck I am doing.  My poor Grandpa's funeral is this weeks so I can go to the beach again at my parents house but - still - I want to move.  I want to live and I want to grow.  I guess that getting up for work in the morning is part of that?  I just have to listen to my heart and trust God.  I don't even know if I believe that but I'm willing to say it and try it.  WHY THE FUCK NOT??  Okay I'm going to take a bath bye.