Sunday, January 5, 2014
Once again - WHAT AM I DOING?
I have no idea - worked a really long shift, went to a meeting, came home and made myself delicious eggs and now I basically need to go to bed to wake up at 6 and be there at 8:00 again. I want to move to California - that's it - that's what I want. I want to surf and I want sunshine and warmth and to breastfeed a baby on the beach. THAT'S WHAT I WANT. I want to run around and have blonde highlights and a convertible and an adventure. I also want to have A LOT OF BEACH SEX. That's it. I said to someone about the cigarette smoke here and she said "Oh - why don't you sublet it?" HA - YEAH WHY DON'T I??? This is all so slowwwww I can't take it. I don't want to waitress anymore but also - I can actually pay my rent and I can do shows. I have a show tomorrow night and I can take my class - it's just s FUCKING SLOW OMG. AND WHERE IS MY BOYFRIEND????? I want my gorgeous boyfriend/husband/amazing fun friend/sex lover extraordinaire ALREADY!!! Is this a spiritual awakening???? I don't know - probably not and you know what - I don't know what the fuck I am doing. My poor Grandpa's funeral is this weeks so I can go to the beach again at my parents house but - still - I want to move. I want to live and I want to grow. I guess that getting up for work in the morning is part of that? I just have to listen to my heart and trust God. I don't even know if I believe that but I'm willing to say it and try it. WHY THE FUCK NOT?? Okay I'm going to take a bath bye.