Sleep and dreams.

I got a lot of sleep - and I dreamed I was kissing NO and he was staring into my eyes - so intensely.  So much so I kind of couldn't handle it.  I was also holding my breath - weird.  I got up this morning and called the landlord and the other place where I'm paying off that old credit card that I thought had magically gone away.  I mailed out Octobers rent and for both phone calls I was able to actually talk to someone.  Jeez - I cried.  Not to them - thank God.  I cried, calmed down - ate some yogurt and cried again and almost choked 5 times because I was about to drown in yogurt.  But okay - I spoke to Her Lady Wonder yesterday and she told me to just call the landlord and talk to them and that was the best course of action.  So okay - I did.  I've been doing the same thing with my rent that I did with drinking - I would be drinking at midnight and have to be to work by 10 and I would keep drinking, smoking pot and cigarettes and tell myself it was fine - that I could totally drink until 4 and be up by 8:00 and get to work by 10 - no problem.  Then I would drink till 5:00 and get to work late and be a fucking miserable disaster.  If I even made it to work.  I just don't even like writing about it - it makes me so uncomfortable.  Oh - so - oh.  Yes - I am not out of the woods but for right now and today I did the best I can and did what I can.  Now if I can just go for a walk and get laundry done today I will be in a much better place.  Laundry and clean -  it's for real so dusty in here.  Okay - let's keep trudging forward my sweet one.  God speed through the ether Bluebie.  I love you!!