Jeez.

I was really a mess yesterday. I walked home from work which was great and I went to bed early. I got enough sleep and I still had horrible dreams. These dreams seem to be coming from deep within my subconscious. I dreamed about my parents this time and the farm. It was gone for some reason - wiped out by a terrible storm. This is making me sick to write about it. I was talking to someone about the old days. I am not explaining it well. I made my coffee so strong this morning. I snapped at my boss yesterday - I just couldn't handle the way she was talking to me. She also said in a REALLY patronizing way "No - you aren't listening to me - listen very carefully." Um - that doesn't sound so awful on paper but (or on blog) but it was obnoxious. It was so stressful and she was annoyed I was there at the store instead of the other girl. Which I just realized - she really acts like she doesn't like me. Um - well - she doesn't even know me so why would she. I shouldn't have gotten so short with her but I really just couldn't take feeling like she was about to yell at me. I called an old friend from the program and she said she has been buying Xanax off the street so she doesn't know how sober she is. It was really sad to hear. She isn't drinking but she takes those only 3 times a month when she gets PMS. It really made me sad and it also made me realize why I haven't seen her. Well despite being a complete psycho yesterday I didn't drink or take drugs and I finally feel a bit rested and slightly more balanced. My other friend really did help me explaining feelings aren't facts. I don't know - I know I know. I got home here and I just - I don't know. He was watching me while I was walking the dog. Maybe that isn't a big deal but it totally creeps me out. He acts like he's doing the dishes but he's staring at me out the window. Why? It's so bizarre. I just need to move. If I stopped drinking coffee and soda water I would save so much money. It scares me. Moving and not drinking soda water. What? Exactly. Lord. I need to go - I really have to wash my hair. Bye Blubie - long day - a double. Talk to you later maybe. Ouch in my belly.