Bad attitude or.....

I could go about my day which I am doing. What? That doesn't make any sense. I'm not sure if I have a bad attitude or if I'm having a bad day. The smoke was so crazy last night - I guess in reality it's always bad. I just need to take care of myself and stop focusing on it. I want to blame the smoke for making me look hung-over today but I have terrible PMS. So. I prayed/meditated, walked the dog, showered, washed and took my vitamins. I cleaned all day yesterday and getting into a clean bed with clean sheets and fresh clean pillows is absolute heaven. It's frustrating but it's just going to take time for things to change. I don't want to take time....I want to live in the beach house right now and doing tons of art, laughing, cooking and not having any cigarette smoke around. I hate this job - I'm at the store. I get paid the same I got paid to babysit. My shoulder hurts so badly it's crazy. This job is literally hurting me. Why don't I just leave? I'm so confused. I just sit here - I'm writing on here for fuck's sake. There has to be an answer. I look better working here and I take better care of myself. I really don't want to go just back to that comedy club only. It's sooo gross. Okay. I can give myself 6 more months. Here and there. Save money. Get the fuck out of that house. The lady below me was barfing this morning. Okay now I'm crying. My sister just sent me the sweetest message. Oh lord I am so PMs. It's all rainy and dark plus when I woke up I got a flash to be really careful here today. It kind of scared me awake. I asked the other girl to switch a day with me (usually she's my friend who got me the job here but today she's the other girl who works here) but she said no. she doesn't want to switch her schedule around. Plus she took my wrist cushion thing I left here by mistake. Ugh - I hate it here. I think today is not the day to decide anything. I should go Bluebie - byeee.