Saturday, October 8, 2011

Holla.

I am progressing and here is how I know. I wanted to eat a bacon, cheddar burger and fries for breakfast but I had a yogurt and a banana instead AND I liked it. I can feel a little bit more of the wound inside of me healing. I can feel myself getting a little more present all the time. Every time I get in my head and start having imaginary fights and reliving the past I open my mouth and bring my awareness to my breath. So I am doing this every 10 minutes or so. I did it at least 8 times already today - a bunch of times in the car on the way here. I am at the store and it is so quiet. I am trying to enjoy it. I am enjoying it. How can I adjust my schedule so I am working more reasonable hours? There has to be a positive way I can do this. the breathing is unbelievable to me. It is what The Presence Process is all about and it is also what my acting technique that I originally learned was all about. Hmmm. It's hard. it's also very foreign to me since holding my breath is my default setting. Well - maybe it used to be but doesn't have to be now. ii really felt today how I was so in my head - thinking negative thoughts - all just UP there in my head. Then I opened my mouth and suddenly I noticed the grass in the park - the day - how comfortable I was where I was sitting - the flow I was involved in. The motion. It's so crazy. Even now I am fighting going into my head. I want (or I am accustomed) to go in my head and think about my ex-boyfriend and how he has a family and blah, blah, blah. It hurts me. Well okay - there we go. Today's lesson. I like it. this is going to be a lot of work but I LIKE it. I also realized how - after talking to my sister yesterday) that I let myself be weak on the inside when I am in my head. I want to work on my inner strength now. Soft body equals strong insides. Sorry - flexible body. Okay - have to go - I should do some work. Love you Bluebie.

No comments:

Post a Comment

The Core of Me.

Well here I am at the end of this blog.  It's a little bittersweet because I am not sure I would have done it if they hadn't changed...