Welp.

I went to the first day of shooting today.  I got up at 5:45 a fucking m.  I got there and I sat there for 8 hours until they used me.  The director seemed to like me at first and then - not so much.  Oh boy - whatever.  I colored my hair for the part and it came out SO dark.  Ha - whoops.  I had no idea what I was doing - now I have a much better idea and there were - so - so - sooooo - many cute guys there.  I can not help it - I love PA's and the guys who work the cameras.  It's so fucking hot.  That shit hanging off their belts and there is something so hot about a guy handling a big camera - I love it.  This one guy - oh my Lord.  SO cute - it was a little uncomfortable though and it was around there that the director got grumpy with me.  Ha - whatever.  I'm doing my best - that is for fucking sure.  They were a really nice group of people.  Now I'm home and I'm going to take care of myself, get some sleep and get back there super early tomorrow.  Did I say what a nice time I had with the family?  So nice.  I'm so tired - I'm trying so hard.  I'm trying so fucking hard.  Okay - why?  Because I want to live - I got sober to live.  I also want to move past this part of my life.  The smoking super - he's down there right now - with the door open and a cigarette in his continuously growing hand.  He just keeps getting fatter and fatter.  How I that possible?  All the man does is smoke cigarettes.  Unbelievable.  Okay - this is boring I guess.  I'm sober.  Bye.