Oh dear.

I am in a panic.  I feel like this is all about to end - New York - my jobs - I don't know.  What would be so terrible about that?  I have no idea - as long as I stay sober everything will be okay.  It's raining today and I am here at the store and I was over an hour late - I just could not get out of bed.  I just noticed the chandelier has 2 bulbs out.  I have had this feeling before - with this last boyfriend - I knew it wasn't going to work - with the guy who I moved here with - with the Gay & Breakfast.  Um - hello - seriously?  These are all things I knew weren't going to work out ultimately from the beginning.  The same with this job - it's been so hard - both of these jobs.  Fuck - I just don't know how to trust that I will be okay.  Right at the same time as the poor doggie.  Ugh - okay I need to eat - bye.