So sad.

I'm so sad today - how has it gotten harder every single morning?  I miss her so much and today I can't stop crying and for some reason being at work isn't helping.  It's just so empty without her.  I cooked when I got home last night and when I was doing the dishes I just sighed - it was so sad.  I missed her bumping around in the kitchen and just - being there.  Her warmth - she was so warm and so sweet.  It's like it took me all this time to really feel how broken hearted I am.  Now I'm losing focus also.  I looked up the website of that photographer and can you even imagine - he is so talented.  I started to cry when I saw his pictures.  Now I'm crying again.  What the fuck I hate this.  Okay - I have PMS too - it's okay - it's really okay.  I told my friend I'm filming the web series for that I would get some exterior shots of the psychic place next door.  I need to do that.  I can't just sit here and cry and look at some beautiful man who is taken.  Taken and not interested - ha.  Okay - that made me laugh and now I'm crying again.  Good - I can laugh and cry all day.  Talk to myself and just FEEL MY FUCKING SUPER SAD HEART BROKEN FEELINGS.  Not laughing.  Okay I should really get some work done - I need to focus.  I have literally no idea what the future holds for me.  I keep praying all the time for "knowledge of his will for me and the power to carry that out."  I'm so glad I am sober because this would be a nightmare - a real messy nightmare if I were - gross - drinking.  What a hard time right?  I'm so sad but I am grateful.  Awesome.  Bye.  Love you Bluebie.