I miss my dog I miss my dog I miss my dog......

Coming home is the hardest thing.  I didn't even want to come home after I got done with that shoot early.  For what?  Her bed is still her - I still have newspaper on the floor that she peed on.  I just need to clean it up.  It's such a dull ache.  She wasn't okay and I probably kept her alive too long.  I was remembering how lively she used to be - I mean she used to be able to see and walk up and down the stairs for fuck's sake.  The shoot was okay today - by the park and it's a beauuuutiful day so that was nice.  I had to drive a truck - that was fun.  Ugh - the poor camera man - I kept hitting every pothole and making sharp turns and slamming him up against the window.  Oye.  I don't know - I don't understand how these shoots are supposed to go where you are basically instantly improvising.  It was so awkward - you know - I just didn't have that much to give - that's all there is to it.  Plus I hardly ever drive and I was distracted - plus it was very busy on the streets.  Ugh - I just had nothing to give really.  I don't know - I hope some people will be in class tonight that I can ask.  My father asked me if I needed help paying for the dog and I said no.  Why did I say that?  I don't know.  I just - it's so hard growing up - this part is even harder - I'm getting a little numb - like - you know - out of it - not present.  I'm going to exercise.  I met this great guy on the set - we kept having awesome conversations - I should have gotten his last name.  Oh well.  I want to do so much more of this - I loved it so much.  Okay - thank God I have things to do.  Bye Bluebie - love you.